I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
