I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
