Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize