They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize