I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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