That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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