I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
