Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
