My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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