GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
