dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Acid is not a monday night drug
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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