Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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