There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
