I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
