Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone signed my nipple.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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