my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
