But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
