They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
