508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
