So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
