i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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