was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
