her vagine was all disorganized.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
