Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
