She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
