the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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