No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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