Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
