Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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