so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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