i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
