i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
