I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
