I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
