I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
