I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
