I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
