i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
