can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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