I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
