some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Randomize
