I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
