I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
