I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
