I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
