Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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