my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
