his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
