turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
