you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
