That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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