My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
