Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
