Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This baby is an asshole
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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