And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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