you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
