Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
