i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
