last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
