I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
