oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
