I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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