Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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