yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Holy sore nipples Batman
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
