Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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