Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
