is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
