Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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